Still learning the same lessons

Well here I am nearly two years later and I am still learning the same lessons...

One of the early blog post I wrote was inspired by a book by Ann VosKamp call 1000 Gifts. I loved it! It was all about finding the thanks in every small detail. Fighting the good fight with whispers of eucharistia not with weapons of mass destruction; self-hate, gossip, anxiety, worry, fear, depression. I fell in love with the idea of seeking all the beauty you can in the small most unexpected places. I began a journey of my own eucharistia... 

Adulting 

If I am completely honest I have become more and more pessimistic as I have grown older and I am really sad at that realization. I don't feel like thats really true to my nature but I have let too much of what is out of my control affect who I am. Does that make sense? Anyone else with me on that? Or am I the only crazy lady that sometimes feels like the carefree girl is locked in the basement of the adulthood house I have built around my heart. You know that adult house... the one with the laundry, dishes, floors to sweep, books about being a perfect mom/wife to read, food to cook... Where do squeeze in carefree/happy-go-lucky girl I feel is me?

Eucharistia

When I began looking for the small reasons to be thankful, I began to see glimpse of that girl. With each day that I looked harder and harder for reasons to be thankful the more joy I found! The more I felt like myself.

Skip ahead 2 years

What lesson do I find God is teaching me today? Find the euchairistia!! Yes, I know God brought us here and yes, it has been a wonderful summer full of family time and memory making but as the summer comes to an end I am left looking straight into the mirror of our our future it is clouded with worry!! Ha(funny, not funny) I am such an Israelite!! God moves mountains for me and yet I get just out of site of that mountain and I am filled with fear and worry for tomorrow! Why do we do that? Why can I not just keep all that God has done for me at the forefront of my mind?

My quiet time aka punch in the gut 

This week I was reading the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead, the part that really hit me right between the eye is the highlighted verses below

38 Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. 39 Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” 40 Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” 41 So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.” 43 When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” 44 The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.”John 11:38-44

Give thanks before the miracle

Did you catch that? Jesus gave thanks before the miracle! Before the provision! Before there was any indication that God was going to actually raise Lazarus from the dead! Ouch!! I suddenly realized I had been going right back to my pessimistic old adult self!! So I prayed and asked forgiveness right then, admitting I was doubting God's working in my life!! I found myself even asking my tall, dark, and handsome to forgive me. You see my pessimism communicates to him that I think he has made a mistake in leading our family to where we are... I don't!! But boy was that what I was saying loud and clear! I have been challenged to not just be thankful for the small miracles and wonders I see all around me everyday but begin giving thanks for things I cannot yet see but I believe God will do because he has already promised us he would in His Word!!

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[a] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matt. 6:25-34 

Just another sinner saved by grace under construction  

Oh friends it is just such a daily battle with sin and selfishness!! I look forward to the day Jesus hangs a sign on my life that says "Construction Finished! Thank you for your patience!" Until then I will keep learning and relearning all that God has for me.