Grace Before Peace

A choice... "Sarah, just think, I could be in heaven soon!" How does one respond to that? July 2018 was the beginning of one of those times in my life when I had a choice, a choice that could make an impact broader than my blind eye can see. When faced with the excitement of a saint about to enter into their eternal reward my choices were, I could live out what I say I believe and be excited with her or I can run away in fear, unbelief, and cry out in selfishness for this time to not come. With a matriarch like my Bema leading the way, setting the example of living out your faith, my choice was a much easier and joyful than I imagined. On going learning... I can remember months after my mother passed away and even now nearly 20 years later my human heartache creeping in saying, "Why MY mom? I needed/need her! I have so many things to say, to ask, memories to make. WHY?!" I can never get far down that path of thinking before I hear this whisper to my heart ...

Eyes fly open as the alarm goes off at 5am... Why do I have to get up so early? Standing in the middle of the closet staring at clothes... I don't want to iron, that's too small... I really should get rid of that but maybe I'll eventually wear it again, that's to casual... Ugh I don't know what to wear . Breakfast... Its cereal again kids. Mom didn't get up and make breakfast yet again . Dishes in the sink, laundry on the floor, unmade beds, tooth paste squeezed out, lights left on, I have no idea what is for dinner... One thing after another dragging me down before I even leave my house by 7am. I am annoyed with my life and flirting with depressing thoughts, that this is my new normal, as I head out the door. Normal? How can this be normal? How can this be the way life just has to be? Where is the "joy in the morning?" I fear it got drowned in the disposal I as frantically threw dishes in the dishwasher before walking out the door late-...