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The thread that holds us together...

Constructing thought... Just a day or so after my Bema's funeral I was finally able to start putting my thoughts into more complete sentences instead of fragments of emotions and memories. Sitting in a quiet room, I wrote them on scrap paper just as quickly as I could, all too often my words come faster than my fingers can write... The laughter and tastes of home... Laughter.... loud, boisterous, contagious, deep down, soul warming, side aching laughter... This is what my mind is consumed with as I think of my earliest memories of my Donell family. Big hugs— long hugs, eagerly greeting us after a long drive. As each family member would arrive the joyous greetings would start all over. Finally, when the last family would pull into the driveway our hearts would be full, overflowing. Everyone was home! The smells!! Oh the smells that came from Bema and Papaws kitchen!! My first taste of homemade peanut butter cookies, smoked brisket, fresh bass fried to golden perfect, and mou
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Joyfully Present

A choice... "Sarah, just think, I could be in heaven soon!" How does one respond to that? July 2018 was the beginning of one of those times in my life when I had a choice, a choice that could make an impact broader than my blind eye can see. When faced with the excitement of a saint about to enter into their eternal reward my choices were, I could live out what I say I believe and be excited with her or I can run away in fear, unbelief, and cry out in selfishness for this time to not come. With a matriarch like my Bema leading the way, setting the example of living out your faith, my choice was a much easier and joyful than I imagined. On going learning... I can remember months after my mother passed away and even now nearly 20 years later my human heartache creeping in saying, "Why MY mom? I needed/need her! I have so many things to say, to ask, memories to make. WHY?!" I can never get far down that path of thinking before I hear this whisper to my heart &q
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Quiet But Not Silent

Quiet But Not Silent While I have haven’t had a chance to write, and it seems I have been quiet, my mind has been all but silent! The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. Unexplainable joy, deep heartbreaking sadness, and the full spectrum between. I have written so many words in my mind, but not finding the slowness to put them to paper as much as I wish I had. Probably because much of this mental writing was happening as I drove back and forth from Northwest Arkansas to Hunt town. Driving through these familiar beautiful Ozarks is like balm for my broken heart and at the same time only the view of a fiery golden sunset over the last mountain as you drop down into Fayetteville, AR can express the joy I feel so deeply.  Over the next few weeks I hope to sort out these thoughts and share them with you. Blinded by life... I should have known, that day back in June, things were changing but then again everything was changing, or that's how I fel
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Still learning the same lessons

Well here I am nearly two years later and I am still learning the same lessons... One of the early blog post I wrote was inspired by a book by Ann VosKamp call 1000 Gifts.  I loved it! It was all about finding the thanks in every small detail. Fighting the good fight with whispers of  eucharistia  not with weapons of mass destruction; self-hate, gossip, anxiety, worry, fear, depression. I fell in love with the idea of seeking all the beauty you can in the small most unexpected places. I began a journey of my own  eucharistia...  Adulting  If I am completely honest I have become more and more pessimistic as I have grown older and I am really sad at that realization. I don't feel like thats really true to my nature but I have let too much of what is out of my control affect who I am. Does that make sense? Anyone else with me on that? Or am I the only crazy lady that sometimes feels like the carefree girl is locked in the basement of the adulthood house I have built around my hea
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Learn to make pie!

What is the secret to staying together? If you have been married for a couple years I am sure you have had this question posed to you. As a high school teacher I was asked this all the time, with the state of marriage in 2018 teenagers find marriages that last more than 10 years to be quite a mystery! While this makes me sad I love that they ask! So I have a lot of different things I like to talk to them about... Know who Christ is and marry someone that also knows, if someday you cannot find a single thing to agree on you can agree on Christ!   Look at how the one you are wanting to marry treats his/her opposite sex parent... are you ok with it? Because that is exactly how they will treat you someday.  Love is a daily choice, not an emotion that comes and goes. LOVE IS A CHOICE! Don't just marry the one you love, love the one you marry. If you are a very selfish person don't get married. (harsh I know but true) Those are just a few examples of things we discuss, I
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Believe God is Working

This week I was asked to write as a guest blogger for a marriage and family blog. The topic I was asked to write about was giving up my dream job as a high school graphic design/photograph instructor to allow my husband to pursue the path God had been putting on his heart. I was excited to share and as I began rough drafting my thoughts I felt a rush of overwhelming thankfulness at God's provision and active involvement in our lives over the past year. I encourage you to head over to https://marriageandfamilytulsa.org/blog/ to read my story. I hope you find it encouraging and challenging! At the very end of my article I mentioned very briefly I felt like this was my "Abraham/Isaac" moment. No not to the extreme of laying one of my kids on an alter... don't get crazy ideas of this 35 year lady who moves to the woods and looses her sanity! HA Sometimes I do feel like I have lost my mind though when I think of all we left behind in Centerton, AR... Here is a brief desc
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Paths

Path - a word I have read so many times throughout scripture. Recently I have been drawn to this word. I see it everywhere! In my quiet time, in my sweet mother-in-laws shared Facebook devotional, in my summer reading text. All pointing me to questions about my path. Recently my path has taken a hairpin turn and even though I took it eagerly and in faith I am still not sure where it is taking me. July 1st marks a significant change for me. To some people it probably is not a big deal, to some it would probably seem scary, if I am honest its a big ball of emotions for me all tangled in 35 years of God's truth hidden in my heart. That truth is the only thing holding me together most days, otherwise that big ball of emotions would unravel into a mess that makes me cringe. The kind of cringe I felt when I came across a box of neckless', that in a moment of weariness during our move a couple months ago I threw in a box, that are so tangled and matted it will take hours of tedious wo
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