Quiet But Not Silent
Quiet But Not Silent
While I have haven’t had a chance to write, and it seems I have been quiet, my mind
has been all but silent! The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. Unexplainable
joy, deep heartbreaking sadness, and the full spectrum between. I have written so many words
in my mind, but not finding the slowness to put them to paper as much as I wish I had. Probably
because much of this mental writing was happening as I drove back and forth from Northwest
Arkansas to Hunt town. Driving through these familiar beautiful Ozarks is like balm for my broken
heart and at the same time only the view of a fiery golden sunset over the last mountain as you
drop down into Fayetteville, AR can express the joy I feel so deeply. Over the next few weeks I
hope to sort out these thoughts and share them with you.
has been all but silent! The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. Unexplainable
joy, deep heartbreaking sadness, and the full spectrum between. I have written so many words
in my mind, but not finding the slowness to put them to paper as much as I wish I had. Probably
because much of this mental writing was happening as I drove back and forth from Northwest
Arkansas to Hunt town. Driving through these familiar beautiful Ozarks is like balm for my broken
heart and at the same time only the view of a fiery golden sunset over the last mountain as you
drop down into Fayetteville, AR can express the joy I feel so deeply. Over the next few weeks I
hope to sort out these thoughts and share them with you.
Blinded by life...
I should have known, that day back in June, things were changing but then again everything was
changing, or that's how I felt. I didn't see it! How did I miss it? Looking back I know how I was so
distracted, I was about to leave the Centerton yellow house I had dreamed of my whole childhood
for the last time. I hang my head at being so distracted by something so temporal (or as my daddy
has said for as I long as I can remember "its just wood, hay, and stubble").
changing, or that's how I felt. I didn't see it! How did I miss it? Looking back I know how I was so
distracted, I was about to leave the Centerton yellow house I had dreamed of my whole childhood
for the last time. I hang my head at being so distracted by something so temporal (or as my daddy
has said for as I long as I can remember "its just wood, hay, and stubble").
Familiarity that brings instant calm...
Loading the last few items, sweat pouring, muscles aching, weariness putting me on edge, along
with the full gamut of the emotions of leaving my beloved Northwest Arkansas, "knock, knock!" the
gentle words from a familiar voice immediately soothed my soul. Then through my back door came
the smile, broad and full of love radiant as a southern sunrise. It was Bema and Grandpa Pat, they
wanted to stop in one last time before we moved.
with the full gamut of the emotions of leaving my beloved Northwest Arkansas, "knock, knock!" the
gentle words from a familiar voice immediately soothed my soul. Then through my back door came
the smile, broad and full of love radiant as a southern sunrise. It was Bema and Grandpa Pat, they
wanted to stop in one last time before we moved.
I should have read between the lines...
They didn't stay long, Bema had wanted to drop off a gift but she forgot it at home. She was so
annoyed that she had forgotten it, she was very concerned that I should get it. It was a cross stitch
picture my mother had made her years ago. She talked about my mom and how much the picture
meant to her. I remember making the comment "are you sure you are ready to give it to me?" She
was quick to say yes... that's when I should have known. She knew she was sick, blinded by my
fleshly worries, I only saw my tiny, spunky, full of joy Bema. On that warm, early June day, she felt
compelled to share her words of encouragement and excitement for our new journey. She talked
about her own fears when moving from Texas to Arkansas 50+ years ago with her young family. She
quickly turned her words to thankfulness for all the blessings God brought through that move. Her
words were just what I needed to put my emotions back in check, that just minutes before I was
afraid I would result in a mental breakdown the minute I began the drive out of NWA. One of those
ugly cries that your face doesn't recover from for days... they aren't pretty friends. She knew what
I needed to hear.
annoyed that she had forgotten it, she was very concerned that I should get it. It was a cross stitch
picture my mother had made her years ago. She talked about my mom and how much the picture
meant to her. I remember making the comment "are you sure you are ready to give it to me?" She
was quick to say yes... that's when I should have known. She knew she was sick, blinded by my
fleshly worries, I only saw my tiny, spunky, full of joy Bema. On that warm, early June day, she felt
compelled to share her words of encouragement and excitement for our new journey. She talked
about her own fears when moving from Texas to Arkansas 50+ years ago with her young family. She
quickly turned her words to thankfulness for all the blessings God brought through that move. Her
words were just what I needed to put my emotions back in check, that just minutes before I was
afraid I would result in a mental breakdown the minute I began the drive out of NWA. One of those
ugly cries that your face doesn't recover from for days... they aren't pretty friends. She knew what
I needed to hear.
Words of truth and life...
In a matter of few minutes, my Bema was able to speak truth into me in such as way as to calm my
fears, spark new excitement to see what God has for my family, and refocus my heart on the task
- follow where Jesus was leading, eyes full of faith, free from fear and anxiety over the unknown.
Her parting that day was nothing extravagant, no tears or sadness, just quick hugs, words of
endearment, and "I am praying for you all, I am excited to see what God does in your life." Those
words "I am praying for you all" she said so easily and I know she meant them. I have felt those
prayers poured over me my whole life, even now I feel them. Without even trying she was leaving
me with instructions for the days ahead when I would feel lost and she wouldn't be available to give
her wisdom... pray.
fears, spark new excitement to see what God has for my family, and refocus my heart on the task
- follow where Jesus was leading, eyes full of faith, free from fear and anxiety over the unknown.
Her parting that day was nothing extravagant, no tears or sadness, just quick hugs, words of
endearment, and "I am praying for you all, I am excited to see what God does in your life." Those
words "I am praying for you all" she said so easily and I know she meant them. I have felt those
prayers poured over me my whole life, even now I feel them. Without even trying she was leaving
me with instructions for the days ahead when I would feel lost and she wouldn't be available to give
her wisdom... pray.
Not the end of the story...
This is far from the end of my mental writings... this is just a tiny glimpse of what has been running
through my mind at what feels like a million miles an hour. I hope and pray what you take away from
these words today is this:
through my mind at what feels like a million miles an hour. I hope and pray what you take away from
these words today is this:
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